Let them Rest in peace or Wish them “Rest
In Peace”
Is she an Infant or an Adult?
For some it might be just
another suicide case, which they often read about in the newspapers, for some
it sends shivers down their spine as they become reminiscent of their own
daughters who met the same destiny and some become apprehensive of their daughters
who are grappling with the same situation; but this happens everywhere in one
form or the other. The news of the death of Akansha Malhotra perturbed me beyond
consolation for a while. Akansha Malhotra, a
computer science teacher working at Apeejay School, Jalandhar,
Punjab committed suicide by jumping into the Upper Bari Doab Canal near
Pathankot on 17th August 2012 after leaving a suicide note saying she
was being harassed by her in-laws for dowry. Her husband Pujan Malhotra,
a lawyer, has been arrested. However the three accused - father in-law, Sudhir
Malhotra, mother in-law, Renu Malhotra and sister in-law, Kanika Malhotra,
although taken to custody were freed by the cops and have absconded. Although I was not
related to her in any way, there is one bond that unites us all being women. I
was left pensive after reading about it.
Let me share with you all
the kind of thoughts a newly–married girl has to endure during the first phase
of her marriage. She is in a strange state of mind as she herself fails to
fathom if she’s an infant or a grown-up married lady. Based on Plato’s
philosophy and belief in pre-existence, Wordsworth has put in his ode
‘Intimations of Immortality’,
“Heaven lies about us
in our infancy”
I have always found a
similarity with a girl’s plight. I
wish to liken a newly-wed girl to an infant, her stay at her parental home as
her pre-existence and her parents being God. Whenever a newly born baby
cries, elderly people often say that the baby is missing God. It is widely
believed that every new born baby cries at the moment of birth because he/she
intuitively is aware that he/she has got separated from the father, Almighty
God. Similarly, every bride weeps on the day of her marriage because she is
going away from her godlike parents, thinking that those heavenly and blissful
times are over.
Secondly, everybody knows
that marriage is often termed as a new-birth for a girl. Now since it is a
new-birth, she is in an infantile state; new people, new surroundings and
different values to cope with. So, as per the rule she should get new parents
too, but in cases like that of Akansha, this does not happen. Herein lies the
root of all evil. In such cases, for such people, daughters-in-law exist only
to be abused, cursed, suppressed and blamed. Once
the daughter-in-law is there in their house, they think they have become
infallible. Everything that goes
wrong in the house is palmed off to the daughter-in-law because SHE has to
adjust in their family (in which nothing and nobody, yes i mean nobody, not even her husband belongs to her. He too joins them in
pointing fingers at her, silencing and suppressing her). All forget that it’s not the
daughter-in-law only who has to adjust but these so-called Mr./Mrs. Right also
need to consider her a human being, as a part of their family.
Just as an infant needs somebody to
guide him or her in the ways of the world, the new bride too is a new entrant
in a different household. So it is the duty of the members of her new family to
help her adjust in their home by telling her their way of doing things and not
yelling at her for not doing things in their way. Just imagine the plight of a
girl for a second, she has nobody in the house with whom she can discuss what
is happening to her as she is trying to comprehend and adjust to many new
relations and things. A lot of responsibility lies on the shoulder of a husband
too. He is the one who can bring about a good understanding among the members
of the family because he knows his wife more than the others. I truly feel that
‘Akanshas’ die only in those families where soul mates/husbands fail to do
their share. Do not forget that a
daughter-in-law yearns for nothing but love, consideration and appreciation, if
none of this, at least some respect and regard as a human being. But some people are so shallow and
narrow-minded in this world that they unable to accept their daughters–in-law
in the right spirit and it’s a shame that people these days love their pets
more than their daughters-in-law.
Ms. Jagmeet Kaur
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